On “Spouse Rape” – Inspired by JDYU

a fun wallpaper.

reading some blogs, and reaching this blog post here. i would like to state what i have to say on the matter. now many of you may not think that i might have some insight on this issue cause i mostly post photos! but surprise surprise, i got something to say!

Ightisab al zawjat “Spouse rape” is when a person forces sexual intercourse on a spouse. the post referenced talks about  the story of a woman called siham, that got engaged “Katbat Ktabha” to a man that she later decided was not the right person. out of spite, her fiance’ decided to grab the woman and rape her and steal her virginity as an act of revenge because the woman had rejected him.  when her family asked the man to marry the woman cause of sutra “to make up for his mistake” he rejected their request.of course, they only did that after they tried filing a law suit and FAILED. because he’s her spouse.

i’m not here to talk about how wrong what this man did was. I’m talking about why it happened in the first place.

it is a very sad fact, when our society, and our women, act in utter fear. mainly, the family asks for a katb ktab at the engagement “Katb ktab is the process of getting a certified ma’thoun (basically a sheikh with the authority to join two people in Holy and in legal matrimony.) to write their certificate of marriage.” because they don’t want the man to take out the woman out on a date without it being “Acceptable”. they accomplish that by marrying the two people. just because it’s called Katb ktab, doesn’t mean it’s not a Marriage.

Marriage, in the eyes of the law, is that document. and marriage, in the eyes of religion, is for two people to announce their connection in holy matrimony. which is accomplished the moment that marriage certificate is signed. They are Married in the eyes of the law, and in the eyes of God.

to recap whats been said, this means that the woman’s family ask for a katb ktab because they’re afraid of what people will say, breaking the tradition, and Halal and haram. because they know that the couple would want to see each other in private.

Now women, want a katb ktab for pretty much the same reasons, but with the added reason, “3ashan ma yteer il 3arees” which means, so that the groom doesn’t fly away. they believe that by creating this marriage certificate, they’re reserving their right to marriage.

oops! what a big mistake that is! what happens is that when the certificate is made, she doesn’t reserve her right to marry the man, she IS MARRIED TO THE MAN!

i mean come on! how absorbed in delusions do you have to be to realize that katb il ktab is just an other way of saying “you’re married to the woman, we just want you to wait until the wedding night to get laid. its only because you’re not married yet.” as if the wedding party is a party to announce these people’s matrimony. it’s not.

the Wedding party in that case, is just a “woohoo i can get laid now!” party where the husband finally allows himself to admit that he’s married to the woman!!

in other words, regardless of whether or not what happened to the woman was fair, called for, or right. they brought it on themselves because they gave that man the power to do what he did. The whole purpose of getting engaged is to decide whether or not the man deserved the power they had given him without hesitation!


for a man to deserve that right to be with a woman alone, he needs to PROVE IT! by getting engaged! not by getting married! The normal order of things is to meet someone, get attracted, like the person, ask to get to know them, get to know them a wee bit, get engaged, know them some more, know their family, get married, have kids, or not! but stay married!

if you asked me, there’s a way we could get rid of that fear that leads people to making that potentially near fatal mistake “like what happened with siham”. and the answer is… TRUST! trust your children to make the right choices, provide guidance and aid when needed. but don’t try to protect yourselves by screwing yourselves over! that’s just plain STUPID! there ! i said it!if you trust your children to make the right choices, then whether or not the couple end up married will be because they chose to get married, not cause they wanted some collateral!

and to elaborate more on how this certificate validates a marriage, this woman, siham, even though raped, i believe that she’s entitled to 100% of her rights as a wife. what the family asked for wasn’t a marriage to cover up for his mistake, but they asked for a wedding. an announcement of matrimony. but hey, guess what! that was already accomplished when there were tens of people around the couple at the signing of the marriage certificate “Ironically called an engagement”! so they’re married in the eyes of the law and religion. so, while they man not pursue legal action regarding rape, they could pursue legal actions regarding her rights as a wife.

i guess what i’m trying to say over and over again, is that i wish that people would be a little bit more aware of what they’re doing and to call things by their names. not to wait until “il fas towga3 birras” to start moaning over their luck. it wasn’t luck. it was stupidity. there’s no law that says you can’t be stupid. and there’s no book that says that you’re entirely stupid cause you just happened to do something stupid! it just means you did something stupid!. but there’s a book called the book of life  that tells you not to be delusional when you can’t afford to! when dealing with the future of a person, delusions should be strictly avoided. for the last time, katb il ktab is not an engagement. it’s a marriage that hasn’t been consummated.

in the end, what the man did was completely wrong. married or not, sex should never be forced on anyone. and any man that sees his penis as some God Given power to ruin people’s lives should have it chopped off and fed to the dogs. i wish siham would find a solution to her problem. and more than that, i wish people would stop this nasty and demented habbit of katb il ktab at engagement.


~ by Mazz on 26 July, 2008.

5 Responses to “On “Spouse Rape” – Inspired by JDYU”

  1. Well said, Mazz. Great to hear from a MAN.

  2. Thanks kinzi! i’m surprised to see that i’m getting an okay number of visits on this post, yet no comments.

    This is only my feedback on the matter and my own analysis, i’d love to here what others have to say.

  3. Well said.

  4. Really well written, i completely agree with what you have said in your post. I think its very difficult to change peoples perceptions regarding katb il ktab though. I am grateful that my parents do not have this mentality.

  5. well dear, the whole matter is more complicated than what’s been written up there, and you know, there are many reasons why people go and “bektobo ktabhom”, you may have a point here, you are in your blog expressing yourself to people who, let’s hope, realize what life is, but back in the darkness God himself knows what’s going on.

    Katb el Ktab dear mazen and others isn’t a shame, what’s a shame is how people misuse it and mistreat it and misunderstand it. unfortunately the latest things people think about is religion’s views over things, simply because we don’t want to follow it the way it is, we want to follow it the way we want it to be. there as well are many problems that our society created for themselves to make their lives even harder, like you said, the wedding party! what has it got to do with getting laid! it’s total nonsense, when people are officially married by “el ktab” they can get laid, it’s like you said, not the party that will make it official and ok, I mean the whole society is LOST, let me say that, when we start using what god gave us the right way things like happened to siham won’t happen ever again to anyone. but yeah, Human brain!

    it’s way too complicated to be discussed here and briefly!

    But still, i hope, we as the new generation, can make life a better place to live in.

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